She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
