I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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