I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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