wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
God, I missed his penis.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize