You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
