I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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