I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
