I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
