Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
