what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
