I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
