Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I need moral support for this bender
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
