Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
