The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
It's like God shit irony all over that family
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
