We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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