I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
