I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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