Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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