She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
