I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
