Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
