Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
