i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
