I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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