I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
