Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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