it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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