You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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