He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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