Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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