highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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