Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
