I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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