My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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