Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
