i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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