he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
