The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
