When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
