She said her name was "party"
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
