i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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