Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
