walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
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I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
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Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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