After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
