just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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