I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
