I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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