We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
