I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
