The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
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Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
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Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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