I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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