I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I need a burrito and a hug.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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