Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
