I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
