Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
