Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
