Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
